Being a mom is hard, being a parent is hard. When Olivia was born I was intimidated and scared, but ready for the new challenge that lay ahead of me. I didn’t sleep for a long time, and buried myself in our bedroom with our new little tiny for months. Baby business was tough, long days and nights. Sometimes I wouldn’t sleep for two days but for maybe a total of 5 hours. Luckily these days I am sleeping, but the day to day is ever changing and my baby is quickly becoming a toddler.
In light of her now starting the transition into the toddler years, I am beginning to question the tiny bit of parenting I have already done and how in the hell I’m going to parent a toddler. I read something somewhere that stated “If someone would have told me about all of the guilt and worry that comes with being a parent, I would probably have not had kids!” Guilt and worry can overtake you and you can become overwhelmed with the ideas of things that you “haven’t done right” something you said wrong, or how you handled a situation. I have cried many tears thinking I’ve screwed up our child for good. What about the time I yelled when my nipple was pinched? She cried, I scared her, but it hurt! Then I cried because no one wants to make a baby cry. What about the time I stared at my phone longer than her for an entire morning, all because of some silly work emails that I could have tended to later…nap time HELLO! We are in the middle of a food-strike right now and every time I go to try to offer food and she refuses, a little part of me feels like a giant failure. Who am I kidding? A huge part of me!
The thing is, in the grand scheme of things, you aren’t screwing anything up. People are prone to mistakes, especially tired mommies dealing with a week-long whine fest and food-strike. But we can always be better right? I am like every other parent out there and that is all I want is to be better, in all of my roles. I have spent many hours Pinteresting things like, “be a better parent” and “raising a toddler” all for some sort of validation of my feelings of concern for myself and my kid. I have sort of found what I needed, but I want to share some personal changes that can be made to “be better”. Because, I just cried when I realized I hadn’t kissed babes forehead before putting her to bed, and because I have spent more time refreshing my Facebook feed during the nap time process than should be legally allowed. I promise I really don’t care about the lunch you had that much!
Here are 6 things that I would like to improve on as a parent:
Patience.
When the whining starts, and I know there is nothing wrong, it does nothing short of push my buttons. I seriously want to check out. I admit, when baby whines it really gets the best of me. I just can’t take it! I often find myself encouraging independent play while I go scrub a dish or something, just to take a breather. I have never been a patient person, but that is something motherhood is teaching me. And I could really use the kick in the ass.
Put my phone down.
Bedtime rolls around, nap time, whatever the case is where I know babe will be falling asleep, and I always have my phone in hand! It’s literally glued, someone call a doctor. I don’t like this about myself. I do know why this is happening though. It started when O was born and I was breastfeeding around the clock. She was nursing eyes closed 99% of the time, and I as a new mother with loads of questions for the internet, became a incessant Goolger. It then led to my lack of social life, which is where Facebook and Instagram come in. See #5. I am working on putting my phone down, because no one needs to constantly know everything about everything. Especially when I’m not actually ever reading anything of substance. I’m not sure I can hold a conversation if it isn’t about poop, breastfeeding, or anything baby related.
Stop taking baby emotions personally.
So Olivia has decided to stop being nice to mommy. She is shoving my face away from her when I want to kiss her. She has decided she will hug the dog, but not mommy. Food. “WTF! Did you think I was going to eat this mommy?” Actually yes, because you ate like a hoss last week…
I have to let these things go. Maybe she doesn’t want kisses because I smother her with them as often as I can, and she just needs space. I’m not a hugger, maybe she’s that way too? As for the food situation, IDK ask me in a week if she hasn’t fired me as her chef.
Whisper
When I have gotten to a boiling point, I have yelled. Oh my god, typing that out makes me feel super shitty, but it’s honest. I hate it so much. The last thing I want to do is raise my voice, but there’s something that happens when you reach a certain point and you actually cannot control the level of volume coming from your less than appropriate words. I vow to start whispering when I get upset. Because who can stay mad in a whisper? Maybe I’ll throw in an Elmo voice to go with it!
F$%# Facebook
I am going to do my very best to minimize the time I spend on Facebook. I love it, who doesn’t? It’s dangerous though, and it can get the best of you. I have so many wonderful moms that I’ve met because of Facebook, and it’s how I stay connected to them. I love them so much. YOU! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I love that I can share what our family is up to and it allows friends and family near and far participate. I love that I can keep up with people! What I don’t love though is that it’s loaded with a false positive representation of it’s users lives. I don’t think everyone uses it this way, but it’s not hard to see that the majority of posts are always cute, inspiring, and make you question what you did with your life that day. That kind of toying with your perspective on your own life, whether you have kids or not is not healthy. From a parenting perspective, it can make your role feel competitive, and it’s not and no mom should be aiding to the “mommy wars”. Yikes, that term makes me cringe because it’s so outrageous, but I keep seeing it on Facebook so it must be a real thing right?
Smile more.
WHY DO I FROWN ALL OF THE TIME?! I think it’s called “Resting Bitchface”. I’m happy, seriously. I love everything and I have ZERO things to complain about in life (except that I feel like a bad mom sometimes, give me that one at least). My face just stays in a perm-a-frown though unless I find something funny, like my own jokes or when Olivia smears yogurt all over her face. Then it’s smiles for days! What is my problem? I don’t want O thinking I’m just sour all of the time, or that I’m angry about something, because aside from the moments I’ve previously mentioned, which don’t even happen often, I’m not mad about anything! So from here on out, you may see me looking like a creepy joker in the grocery store, but it’s only because I’m smiling more! Hooray!
Well, that feels better already. Do you have any “Better Parenting” tips? Plans? Vows? Can I hear them? That way maybe this list can turn into 12 ways I can be better, and I’ll take it!